Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day Three - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Forgiving myself seemed weird or even incomprehensible to me at some point but as the years went on - I learned - I grew - even matured in some ways and I knew it meant that forgiving ourselves is at times perhaps the hardest thing we will ever do. There are definitely some things in life that I am not proud of and perhaps need to forgive myself and there are some decisions I have made (and not regretted thus it warrants no forgiving - perhaps at least not to myself). 

One of the things I forgive myself for is living too long in the shadow of my upbringing and for the lack of belief in myself for too long. It's easy to get wrapped up, play the victim, blame others for your own short-comings perhaps. Yes, I'm a foster child - so what? It's part of who I am sure - in part it defined some aspects of who I am - but it doesn't mean I need to live in the shadow where negativity lingers. I forgive myself for not living sooner.

I don't know if it was my book (I was able to publish and that brought forth healing) or my children teaching me to love - teaching me to live. Perhaps facing the challenges of life and death in my son's life has allowed me to live. It certainly has allowed me to no longer live in the shadow of my parents or foster parents - I forgive myself blaming them for my own shortcomings for so long (oh shock - I'm not perfect oh well ^_^).

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